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Change Your
DISCposition for Effective Communication
You describe
yourself as a straight-shooter, results-oriented, hard-working and flexible. You’re
bright and exude confidence in your skills.
You are even-tempered and keep your cool remarkably well under
pressure.
Now imagine standing in
front of a 2-way mirror. You
look in the mirror and you see a reflection of your own self – and
like what you see.
But peering through the
other side of the glass, another person looks back. He doesn't see
himself but sees you - a different you than you see.
He sees a blunt, self-centered, workaholic who
frustrates others by shifting gears too often.
He sees arrogance and a know-it-all who just doesn’t give a
darn what others think or feel.
Is there something
wrong with you? Are you that unrealistic or is the other person a bit
whacked?
You are right –
and the other person is right. The
reality is that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance,
precise and nit-picky, honest and rude, humble and insecure.
You perceive your behaviors as the best and natural way to
respond to other people and situations. Unfortunately, other people may
see your actions very differently and respond to you in ways you never
imagined despite what your intentions might be.
Let's look at one example
of interpersonal time bombs exploding. Jack tends to avoid confrontation until he’s had enough and
then explodes. The
fireworks last for a few minutes. He
always manages to get the last “umph” in and then storms off mumbling
loud enough to be heard but not audible enough to be understood.
Jack’s assistant
Sue also tends to avoid confrontation but instead of getting angry and
exploding when enough is enough, she’d rather curl up in a quiet
corner and read a book. The very worst thing anyone can do to Sue, especially
Jack, is to keep asking her “is everything all right”.
While Jack’s stress reliever is to blow off steam, Sue prefers
quiet and time to unwind – all by herself.
Different people handle different situations differently and leaning to
recognize these behaviors leads to more effective communication.
Which brings me to
the next point. What is more effective communication. What
does that mean? Becoming more articulate? More approachable?
Communicating in a clear, concise manner?
The challenge to
communicating more effectively isn't about knowing what to say. (Did you
know that words make up less than 10% of effective communication?)
In fact, the most effective form of communication may be saying
nothing. At other times, saying nothing could be seen as ignoring
the other person. An effective response may have nothing to do
with what you say but the emotion - or lack of emotion - behind the
spoken word.
The first
step in becoming a more effective communicator is understanding yourself.
Many people use DISC or Attitudes assessments for this purpose.
Unfortunately the real benefits and advantages of DISC and other
assessments really
begin where most people stop.
DISC should not
merely be used for the purpose of self-education and development.
The biggest value is derived when individuals begin to understand
what effect their behaviors have on other people.
When you begin to
recognize the styles
of other people, you can now adjust your response and change your
DISCposition. (Disposition is a distinctive preferred behavioral
response to a person or situation. DISCposition is a technique
to help you identify your preferred style and the impact your style has
on other people.).
By learning to recognize the observable
and preferred behaviors of
other people and then using alternative styles in responding to them, you will
achieve better outcomes whether you are selling, managing, leading, team
building, resolving a conflict or just trying to strike up a
conversation.
Ira
S. Wolfe is both a Certified Professional Behavioral
Analyst and Certified
Professional Values Analyst. He has trained DISC and Values to
thousands of individuals and organizations in the United States, Canada
and Hong Kong for hiring, sales and
customer service training, team building and management/leadership development. To
receive a FREE DISC and Values Assessment, click here.
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