October 16, 2002

Edited and Written by Ira S. Wolfe

Published by Success Performance Solutions.

Change Your DISCposition for Effective Communication

You describe yourself as a straight-shooter, results-oriented, hard-working and flexible. You’re bright and exude confidence in your skills. You are even-tempered and keep your cool remarkably well under pressure.

Now imagine standing in front of a 2-way mirror. You look in the mirror and you see a reflection of your own self – and like what you see.

But peering through the other side of the glass, another person looks back. He doesn't see himself but sees you - a different you than you see.

He sees a blunt, self-centered, workaholic who frustrates others by shifting gears too often. He sees arrogance and a know-it-all who just doesn’t give a darn what others think or feel.

Is there something wrong with you? Are you that unrealistic or is the other person a bit whacked?

You are right – and the other person is right. The reality is that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, precise and nit-picky, honest and rude, humble and insecure. You perceive your behaviors as the best and natural way to respond to other people and situations. Unfortunately, other people may see your actions very differently and respond to you in ways you never imagined despite what your intentions might be.

Let's look at one example of interpersonal time bombs exploding. Jack tends to avoid confrontation until he’s had enough and then explodes. The fireworks last for a few minutes. He always manages to get the last “umph” in and then storms off mumbling loud enough to be heard but not audible enough to be understood.

Jack’s assistant Sue also tends to avoid confrontation but instead of getting angry and exploding when enough is enough, she’d rather curl up in a quiet corner and read a book. The very worst thing anyone can do to Sue, especially Jack, is to keep asking her “is everything all right”. While Jack’s stress reliever is to blow off steam, Sue prefers quiet and time to unwind – all by herself. Different people handle different situations differently and leaning to recognize these behaviors leads to more effective communication.

Which brings me to the next point. What is more effective communication. What does that mean? Becoming more articulate? More approachable? Communicating in a clear, concise manner?

The challenge to communicating more effectively isn't about knowing what to say. (Did you know that words make up less than 10% of effective communication?) In fact, the most effective form of may be saying nothing at all. At other times, saying nothing could be seen as ignoring
the other person. An effective response may have nothing to do with what you say but the emotion - or lack of emotion - behind the spoken word.

The first step in becoming a more effective communicator is understanding yourself. Many people use DISC or Attitudes assessments for this purpose. Unfortunately the real benefits and advantages of DISC and other assessments really begin where most people stop. DISC should not merely be used for the purpose of self-education and development.

The biggest value is derived when individuals begin to understand what effect their behaviors have on other people. When you begin to recognize the styles of other people, you can now adjust your response and change your DISCposition. (Disposition is a distinctive preferred behavioral response to a person or situation. DISCposition is a technique to help you identify your preferred style and the impact your style has on other people.)

By learning to recognize the observable and preferred behaviors of other people and then using alternative styles in responding to them, you will achieve better outcomes whether you are selling, managing, leading, team building, resolving a conflict or just trying to strike up a conversation.

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