As Published in Business 2 Business, September 2009

Baby Boomers: Don't Drink the Hater-ade

By Ira S Wolfe, Success Performance Solutions

For those of you who automatically pooh-pooh the so-called “Generation Gaps” as no more than over-hyped consulting Kool-aid, all I have to say is this:  remember the attitudes of management who felt their organizations were too big to fail.

Every generation has strong views about the one it follows or precedes, and there are genuinely different value systems and behaviors among them that reveal themselves in the workplace.  The recession is increasing the intensity of intergenerational differences and the friction at these clash points is heating up.

A recent blog response to a story about generational attitudes on Ragan.com recently caught my attention. It revealed an honest, although incendiary, reaction of one Baby Boomer manager to bridging the gap between generations.

Denise Baron, a baby boomer (like myself), participated in several seminars and conferences that teach baby boomers how to work effectively with other generations. She said as a manager, she’s been advised on how best to deal with the needs, idiosyncrasies and behavioral characteristics of members of the Gen X and Gen Y generations.

“Here’s what I suggest to those newcomers: How ‘bout learning how to deal with me” Baron said.

Becky Johns, the Gen Y who wrote the blog response, answered, "Wow. Who gave Denise hater-ade to sip on in her morning coffee?"

I agree with Johns. While there’s no denying I’m a chronological Baby Boomer, it’s my peers who manage like Baron that will keep me writing, speaking, and training for years to come.  Gen X and Gen Y aren't the exclusive owners of bad attitudes. I have plenty of friends, neighbors, family and clients who seem to drink their hater-ade regularly. 

A few days later, another article in the Cleveland Plains Dealer described how  “generations [were] mixing it up in the workplace.

”The writer offered several examples of how generational values can clash in the workplace.  This scenario is one that I hear quite often:

Scenario: A Baby Boomer boss constantly reminds her employees how she works long hours. A Gen X worker wants to leave early enough to get to his daughter's softball game. He is willing to make up the time later that night working from home.

Generational issue: Baby Boomer's "live to work" perspective clashes with Gen Xer's "work-life balance" perspective. Baby Boomers and Gen Xers are the two groups most likely to clash because of their different perspectives on home and work. 

Personally I don’t agree that the hottest spot for generational clashes lie between the Boomers and Xers.  My experiences and research reveal a fair amount of tension between Gen X and Gen Y too. (But that’s a story for another day.)

While the Plains Dealer story offered nothing many readers likely didn’t already know, the comments clearly exposed the resentment many people feel toward people from other generations and minorities. I include minorities because Veterans (born before 1946) and Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) grew up in a segregated world. Gen Y has grown up in such a diverse world that many of them are almost blind to color. 

One reader, who I deduce is at least a Baby Boomer from his historical references, wrote how the article was “a load of baloney.”  His commentary continued as he described how “diversity is not our strength…[it] is killing us.”  He eventually turns an article describing ways to leverage the multi-generational workforce into a racial rant.   Grumpygramp was also skeptical when he wrote: “more PC BS.” 

Fortunately we also have people like DespiseTribe, a 30-something Gen X, who said, “My boss is in his 60s. I’ve had people in their 50s reporting to me, and I’m 20 years younger.  I’ve had younger people report to me. None of this stuff has ever been an issue.  I just treat them with respect and hope they respect me in return.”  Good advice from a Gen X – not such good advice from our supposedly more “mature” folks.

I wrote in my new book Geeks, Geezers, and Googlization that “While it would be easy to pin the blame for all workplace conflicts on inter-generational differences, it would also be naive and superficial. Managers should think twice before blaming age differences as the cause of all conflicts.

”You might think these comments strange coming from a guy who just wrote a book on how generational differences will surely disrupt the workplace.

But growing up in different generations merely shapes that cohort's point of view. Those views aren't right or wrong, good or bad.  They only add a different perspective. It's the responses of other people to those points of view that determine attitude - good or bad.  It might be said that Gen Y just see the world differently and that it’s the reactions of Baby Boomers as well as Gen X that create the clashes.  Then again, conflict is always a two-way street and Gen Y  and Gen X certainly don’t always react positively to the point of views of other generations either.

Interpersonal conflict has been around since the beginning of time. Even between employees who have grown up together, gone to the same schools, and participated on the same teams, people often rub people the wrong way, even when it’s not intentional. Attitude clashes occur between generations largely because people treat others according to their personal preferences.

Jesuit priest and psychotherapist Father Anthony de Mello once said, “you may have your preferences for drum or violin or piano; no harm in there, for a preference does not damage your capacity to hear and enjoy other instruments. But the moment your preference turn into an attachment, it hardens you to other sounds, you suddenly undervalue them. And it blinds you to a particular instrument, for you give it a value out of all proportion to its merit…”

Many experts advise using the Golden Rule to avoid or at least minimize conflict. But contrary to popular belief, the rule for managing inter-generational and inter-personal conflict is not golden. It’s platinum.

Father de Mello’s message is the basis for the Platinum Rule. The Golden Rule hardens you to the sounds of others.  Winning friends and influencing people when you treat others like YOU want to be treated is much too ego-centric.  Alternatively, the Platinum Rule, proposed by my colleague Dr. Tony Alessandra, advises “treat people like THEY like to be treated.” This is excellent advice for people from all generations.

Generational conflicts can easily be avoided if leaders and employees alike understand that the way they approach and see the world is only one view of a multi-dimensional matrix.  Walking in the shoes of others ultimately builds trust and creates credibility.  Boomers must begin to see the world through the lens of younger workers.  Gen X and Gen Y must be willing to see a world that was and learn from it.

Before you can "walk in others' shoes," you must first find a way to get people “talking.”  I use “talking” very broadly here since research has shown that more than 50 percent of effective communication has nothing to do with what you say but how you say it. Sometimes, you don’t even have to say a word and your “look” (aka body language) can get you in deep trouble. Several behavioral models have been developed and tested over time to help individuals break down communication barriers and build better relationships.  One of the most popular, and my personal preference, is the DISC model. 

Managers must begin to realize that there will be no spoils for a winner to collect if they take a win-lose approach when it comes to managing these generational differences.  Managers who choose to stick to their guns and prove who is boss might win the battle, but they’ll surely lose the war. Because if managers believe they will get the younger generations to conform to organizational leadership shaped by the agrarian and industrial age, they are mistaken.  A goal for every organization will be to require all leaders and managers to learn to make peace with all four generations and leverage their unique strengths for the good of the business. 5 Steps to Start a Multi-Generational Conversation

• Each member of the team, group, or department completes a DISC questionnaire.

• Participants receive their personalized reports during a training session.  It can be a lunch n’ learn, workshop, or day-long team building retreat depending on the size of the group, facility, time, and budget.

• Allow participants to spend 10 to 15 minutes reviewing their reports.

• Direct participants to the Communication Builders and Communication Barriers page(s). Have each person identify the 2 or 3 statements that describe the most effective way to engage them in conversation as well as 2 or 3 statements that describe their communication pet peeves.

• Have each participant share their preferences aloud with the group.

In nearly all situations, participants will find that their communication likes and dislikes are shared across generations.  This might be the first time that the participants begin to realize how much more in common the generations have than differences.  While conflicts may still exist due to a variety of other causes such as attitudes, values, disposition, positional rank, etc., petty and unintentional conflicts – which cause more than 50 percent of daily disruptions – will be resolved or minimized by simply following the 5 steps.

About the author

As president of Success Performance Solutions, Ira S Wolfe helps organizations find and hire the right employees and identify high-potential leaders. He speaks nationwide on hiring, workforce trends, managing the generations in a presentation titled Geeks, Geezers, and Googlization.